you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm too high and old for this...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
