I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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