i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
