I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
