I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
