im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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