considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
