You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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