i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
