You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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