mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
