I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
