I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
