omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
