she told me i tasted like america
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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