Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
