k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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