How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize