my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
