I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How's work?
Spinning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
