You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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