apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
