the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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