Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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