Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
