He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
