Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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