drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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