did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
