Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
