Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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