oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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