Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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