How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
