lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
