I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
