Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
