it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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