after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
