It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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