Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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