This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
