Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
