as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
there is glitter all over my balls
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