god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
