the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
