god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
