i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
