this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
