Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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