Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
