Your tits are I can't wait for
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
