It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
