If that was your dad, he is hot
She said her name was "party"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
