some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
