I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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