If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize