in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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