Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.

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(563): View more from Iowa

Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties

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(503): View more from Oregon

Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn

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(369): View more from California

I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.

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(519): View more from Ontario

You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.

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