got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
