At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.