I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dating After Heartbreak
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country