After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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