i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.