I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
