we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The power of my boobs compel you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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