The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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