I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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