the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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