Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
