VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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