I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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