Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
