$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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