Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
