and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
