I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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