I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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