I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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