You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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