So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My pussy is not your playground.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
